Rain down on me
by cherry88
Summary: S1, cannon untill the flowershow. What if a storm changed the way home for Anna and John?
1. Chapter 1

Finally a new Anna/Bates fanfic I wrote. Did some others, but wasn't happy with them and got stuck at some point. Hope you all like this one :)

Sorry for some writing mistakes, English isn't my first language.

**S1, cannon until the flower show (Anna just told John she loved him) **

**What if a storm changed the way home for Anna and John? Setting and idea are a bit 'stolen' from another fandom, but totally changed to this couple.  
**

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Anna wanted to stay, to help after the flower show. They had glanced at each other several times and John had decided to stay too. After her confession they hadn't talked. John felt uncomfortable and so sorry for her. He didn't want to reject her but he felt he had to. He wished it hadn't come to this, confessing about his marriage with Vera. He almost couldn't handle the sadness and disappointment on her face. John wished they could have loved each other in silence... but she was probably right... she couldn't keep her feelings to herself any longer, she wanted more. He only allowed himself to dream about doing the same: confess his love to her. But it would only lead to impossible situations; he didn't want to hurt her even more. He had scarcely thought about it before but what where their options? He was sure she was the only right woman for him.

John watched Anna while she talked and laughed with old Mr Molesly. Her sweet face, soft skin,... he wanted to be able to kiss her. Shower her in kisses and give her the love she deserves. Now she knew he'd been married, he was sure nothing would ever come to such things now. She would probably hate him for not telling her sooner. He had led her on by his vague conversations. He wasn't thinking at the time, he never imagined such a lovely girl would fall for him. Such a beautiful, smart and good natured woman. He sighed while keeping his eyes on Anna.

Her cheeks turned red from exercise and her eyes became even brighter. A few strands of hair fell out from under her hat. She carried the roses outside and filled some baskets with fruits.

Of course he had noticed her preference some times, but never allowed to think more of it. She always sat next to him at dinner, they sought each other in the courtyard, took care of the other when one was ill. He had found her staring at him an few times,.. she had smiled shyly when he had looked back. He liked that; he liked it maybe to much, but never did anything inappropriate with it.

Now she loved him, but he couldn't make her happy. He couldn't propose. Damn choices he made when he was young!

Anna carried some baskets outside. John could imagine her coming home to their own home. Doing the groceries, helping out in the garden, holding each other when... he made himself stop at this point. It had no use...

Suddenly Isobel stood next to him "you're staring" she whispered. John startled, but saw she was smiling. "I would go home now, if I where you... the clouds are gathering, it's seems there will be some heavy rain soon. You should take Anna with you" she said with a cheeky grin.

"Thank you ma'am, I will" John replied polite, and both walked off.

John walked over to Anna. Feeling uncomfortable again, because they hadn't exchanged a word since earlier this afternoon. "I'm sorry to bother you..." he started.

"You never bother me" she said quickly and looked him straight in the eyes. He wondered how she could be so strong, after such a discovery and disappointment. It took a few second to get himself together and went on. "It seems there will be some heavy rain later on. I think it's better if we'll go home now."

"You can go if you like, I like to help finish this before I go back to Downton.

"I don't think a woman should go walking about the dark and rain on her own" he replied.

"I can take pretty good care of myself, ." she shyly said. "I know you can, but I will never forgive myself if something happens to you anyway" John said sincerely. Anna hesitated and was thinking for a few seconds before she went on. He hoped she wouldn't be stubborn now, he hoped he still could be her friend.

"All right, give me a few minutes to say goodbye to a few people."

John smiled (satisfied) and nodded.

* * *

Anna walked away, looking around whom she might talk to before they left. She didn't need to say goodbye to anyone, she only needed some time to prepare herself for the walk home with . Anna believed it was the right decision to tell him she was in love with him. Night after night she thought of him, thinking about how he looked at her, his smiles when she was around, helping each other. She thought it was clear she sometimes flirted with him when they where alone. It was something she never did before in her life!

In her dreams they would marry and she wondered why he didn't ask her. She had thought about reasons, because there had to be something she didn't know. It drove her crazy every night, his silence, his secrets. She wanted to be trusted by him, but something kept him back. And now she knew. He was married.

She hadn't thought of that! Of course more woman had fancied him before her. Finally it made sense. He was a man of honour, he couldn't give her anything, even if he loved her back. She couldn't blame him for this. He was very respectful to her.

She did want to know more about it, talk about his life, how he became this wonderful man. She still loved him and she wouldn't deny it any more.

He had told his marriage wasn't all that kept him from her. "But that's not all of it" he had mentioned after her questions. What could he mean? She was sure it wouldn't alter her opinion one bit. But she hadn't had the chance to ask him.

After talking to some people, Anna walked back to John. had given her a basket with fruits to take for the servants. It was swinging at her arm. She crossed her arms when they stepped out of the building together.

Outside Anna noticed how bad the weather had turned out. A very heavy wind blew around her and dark clouds surrounded them. The sky was rumbling. Drops of rain where already coming down. Suddenly she felt cold and wanted to be back home soon as possible. She was glad John had waited on her. The sun was nowhere to be seen and soon it would be completely dark.

John walked slow and hadn't said a single word since they left.

"I'm sorry for slowing you down again." he whispered after a few minutes. Anna stopped walking and gave him a strange look. "Please stop that." she sighed.

"Stop what?"

"Apologizing for everything. I like you no matter what"

"I can't believe you can be so understanding about everything." John said, stopping his steps too. She didn't know he said that because he was annoyed by it or if it was a compliment. Anna sighed again en looked down.

Right above them suddenly the thunder stroke. It made Anna Jump and take a step backwards. Unfortunately she tripped over a three root, surrounded by a pool of water. She shrieked and landed on her hands, hurting her wrists.

"ANNA! you OK?" John immediately asked. He saw the tears in her eyes. "Oh, John..." her face looked like she was in pain.

Panic overtook her as she tried unsuccessfully to stand. The pain was nearly unbearable. John tried to help her but she lay back in the mud, letting the large rain drops fall on her face. "I think I've sprained my ankle, I can't stand." She moaned. The sky opened itself even more; thick raindrops soaked their clothes. It was getting really cold. "We can't remain here Anna, It's cold and dangerous to be here" Again, the thunder and lightning stroke close by. Both where silent for a while. "You should fetch some help ". "It will take at least an hour before someone arrives back here. It's the darkest night ever Anna, I won't abandon you". He saw it comforted her. "But we can't stay neither. We must find a place to hide. I see the threes are to no use, they're soaking too."

"Isn't there any place nearby, a cottage where we can get some help?" Anna asked.

"Actually, if I'm right, there might be a place,... But it's dark and I can't really navigate where we are. Let me have a look. I will be back as soon as possible. Please, stay here Anna! Can you manage for some minutes?" "I think I have to . Please be quick." She smiled weakly. He nodded and was of in the woods. The minutes went very slow, Anna was noticing every sound, every branch that snapped, every drop that fell in the pool of water she was sitting in. She started shivering, from cold, but also fear. She couldn't move with her hurt ankle and wrists.

She was sure he was away for at least ten minutes when she heard him call her name. "Anna..? Anna, where are you?"

"Here ! I'm near a big three, please come back here!"

He arrived quickly. His hair all wet and messy. She had to confess, it looked good on him. His coat and trousers where completely soaked and covered with mud. "Have you finished inspecting my apparel' John joked.

Anna smiled shyly and asked "Everything all right ? Did you find what you where looking for?"

"Yes, I did. But I'm afraid it is a bit of a walk trough the woods. If I help you, do you think you can get up? It's not far, together we should be able to get there."

"I think I have no choice. I'm getting cold, we need shelter."

"Allow me to help you, miss smith" Before Anna could even think John reached down, putting is arm around Anna's waist. "Forgive me for taking such al liberty" Anna felt a blush spread across her face. "Please, put you're arm around my shoulder" She did and John lifted her up. He was stronger then she thought. His knee must hurt a lot now, she imagined. Anna stood on one leg, her frog soaking wet and muddy against her. John could feel her shiver. "I wish I could be a real gentleman and carry you, but I fear my leg can't handle that" he apologized. Anna wanted to protest, but John started walking slowly. Anna almost tripped again, but together they moved on. Despite the cold rain, her face burned with heat. She could feel his warm breath against her face when he looked at her. She could not help but notice a light dusting of stubble over Johns jaw. She had not noticed this previously – but now she was closer to him than she had been. Closer than she had ever been to any man.

He continued to walk forward, taking her deeper still into the forest. Stumbling and tripping they reached the little cottage they where looking for.

* * *

"I once went here with his lordship. He wants to renovate some of the cottages. This one is quite a ruin, if you ask me, but it will do for some shelter tonight" "TONIGHT?" Anna panicked.

"Yes, no one will find us before dawn, with this storm no one will take a step outside or start a search."

John helped Anna inside. It was clear no one had lived here for years. Some walls had gone down. He could see a living room with fireplace, a room that probably had been a kitchen and stairs going up to another floor. "Let my find some wood for a fire, please sit down on this sofa." He helped Anna down, their faces almost touching in the process. John felt the urge to cup her cheek with his hand, but resisted with pain in his heart. He was lucky there was a pile of wood still next to the fireplace. He lighted the fire with the matches he used for lighting his cigarettes. Soon the room felt more cosy and less scary, so he turned back to Anna.

He was shocked by the way she looked. Her skin white as a sheet and she was shivering like crazy.

"Anna, you're not looking well. You probably have a bad cold, walking in that soaking frog and coat you're wearing" John pushed the sofa closer to the fire and looked really worried.

"I don't feel well at all, to be honest. It's so cold." "Let me find you some blankets, there must be some upstairs."

John made his way up the stairs as soon as he could. Anna heard some noise upstairs, like things where falling down... "JOHN, YOU OK?" "yeah...ouch, yeah,... be right back!"

John came down with two blankets. "I'm sorry, it's not much and they're dusty and all, but,..." "Thank you so much , they're perfect" She gave him her best smile

He took Anna's soaking coat and gave the blankets, so she could wrap herself, and walked to the fire. "I hope I don't embarrass you to much by taking of my coat and my jacket. They're soaked, I will hang them by the fire to dry." Anna didn't answer but only blushed, so John took this as an OK. He was now only in his wet trousers and a t-shirt. Anna looked from under her lashes. She could see the muscles of his arms, which helped carry some of her weight to the cottage. He looked so much younger in the flickering lights of the fire.

Anna, wrapped in the blankets, tried to take of her hat. She didn't need it inside and some water was still dripping into her neck. But, because her wrists where still painful, she couldn't manage. John walked over and without saying anything, questioned with his eyes if he could help her. Anna nodded and sat up, so he could reach all the pins that where holding it in its place. Anna held her breath when she tilted her head and he reached for the last pin in her hair. It all fell loose over the sofa. He handed her the hat and put a few loose strands behind her ear. All the time he was behind her and Anna almost couldn't breath anymore. She closed her eyes. Now she wasn't trembling because of the cold, but from excitement. From behind John made sure the blankets where tight against her back and over her shoulders. Then he stood up and walked over to the other side of the sofa, where her feet where lying.

"Can I have look?" he asked her. "We must know how bad it is, if you might be able to walk tomorrow." Anna still couldn't say a word and just nodded.

John sat down next to her feet and their eyes met. She looked back at him with big and bright eyes. Then he reached for her calf. "Forgive me Anna, for touching you like this, but I'm afraid there's no other way." Anna took a deep breath. Waiting for the pain, but also from the pleasure of feeling his hand on her leg. He moved his hand up to her knee, to find the edge of het stocking. His warm hand on her bare skin made her shudder from pleasure. John must have felt this too, because he took a deep breath. "Please tell me if I have to stop, Anna." He said with a husk voice.

"You… you can continue ,.. but be careful." They both didn't know where to look.

John caressed her calf while he rolled the stocking down slowly. Anna felt like she was on fire, especially when she heard him let out a soft sigh. "I'm gonna take of your shoe now, I will be careful." He fixed his eyes on Anna and started to undo the shoelaces.

He then slowly lifted up her leg and pulled the shoe partly of her feet. A frown came on her face and he ceased his move. Then he continued and finally the shoe dropped on the floor. "How's that feeling?"

"A lot better" she smiled. She wished he would touch her again. Never had a man touched her like this, she would never have allowed it. This was probably a very compromising and embarrassing situation, but his touch was all she could think about.

Her wishes where answered. John took her feet and cradled it in one hand. "Your foot is so cold, I wish I could do more to help you" he could only say. "You're doing even more then I could ever expect, thank you..." Anna replied. He now watched her ankle and tried to move it a bit. Anna winched from pain and bit her teeth together.

"Pl-please,… !"

"I'm so sorry Anna! I really hope it's not broken but only strained. Mr. Clarkson should have a look tomorrow." Now he held her foot in his warm hands and started touching her softly. He made small circles up and under her foot. Anna started to relax again and settled back against the side of the sofa. He removed her other shoe, so she could lay back and rest on the sofa. He covered her legs with the second blanket.

* * *

**What will happen in their shelter? They will probably talk about their life and dreams. Will Anna get to know the real John?**

**I think I'll write two more chapters, but will take my time **

**Please review/message me. Suggestions are welcome! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews :D they make me very happy.**

**This chapter is a bit shorter, struggled a bit (mainly because of my bad English, so I can't write everything I want) but hope it turned out OK :) please let me know what you think.**

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"Thank you" Anna whispered while John got a chair near the fire himself.

"You must be chilled yourself, I don't want you to be suffering, wearing nothing but a t-shirt". She blushed, realizing their state of undress.

"A little rain and cold is not going to harm me Anna. But thank you for your concern. I'm afraid my coat afforded me more protection then yours, so my shirt is relatively dry"

Anna smiled back, not knowing what else to say. Suddenly feeling self-conscious, she pulled the blanket up to her chin, trying to cover her soaking blue dress, which was now almost made transparent by the water.

Anna saw John had noticed her discomfort because he turned his chair a little, so he could watch the fire instead of her. Always so respectable. He then gather some more logs and placed them in the fire. Watching him work, Anna could help but smile and think about the intimacy of their situation.

Slowly it started to get warmer in the cottage. Anna didn't know what was the cause of this: the fire or watching John.

"Are you still cold?" he asked after a while. Anna chuckled to herself "The fire has warmed me up considerably Mr. Bates, thank you" she answered. They now gazed at each other for some time and all they could hear was the rain against the window and cracking of the fire.

Anna saw a red flush spread across his cheeks, just before his eyes left hers. "What's wrong Mr. Bates?"

"Well, I'm afraid to broach the subject, but I feel I must. I noticed the rain has permeated your apparel in such way that sitting by the fire will not dry them. I'm convinced your health will be at risk if you keep them on." He spoke embarrassed. Now it was Anna's time to blush every shade of pink. She sat stunned in silence, unable to reply.

"Of course you can cover yourself in the blankets, while your clothing dries next to the fire. If you don't remove them, I'm afraid you'll catch a fever."

Anna could see the logic in his request but could not bring herself to action. As if John could feel her embarrassment, he walked to the other end of the room, looking outside trough one of the windows. He stood now with his back to Anna. The rain kept trashing against the cottage. "I'll give you some time to remove them. Of course, I won't force you if you don't feel comfortable doing this…"

"Well, I can't even believe I'm contemplating removing my clothes in the presence of a gentleman… but in this situation, I'm glad it's you." "You can trust me Anna, I would never deliberately hurt you in any way.."

"I know Mr. Bates… I know." Now he was silent. Of course she knew, he didn't have to have said that, but it was nice he did.

Anna stood on one leg. Lost in thought, she picked at a lose tread as she considered the intimate situation again. She did not doubt his honourability, but wished he wasn't so respectable today. She couldn't help the small sigh of pleasure that escaped at the thought of him, touching her again. John shifted slightly but did not turn.

Anna now started her attempt of removing her clothes, but soon discovered this wasn't an easy job with her painful wrists and trying to keep balance. She couldn't reach the straps on the mid-section of her back. She now desperately tried to find a way and moved in an uncomfortable position.

"Is everything going alright, Miss Smith?" John asked in a strained voice.

"I'm not entirely sure, Mr. Bates, I'm having difficulties to get myself undressed,.. My wrists are still very painful and I struggle to get some of the last straps loose… But I'm sure if I'll try a little harder…" She couldn't finish her sentence because John already offered his help. "Maybe I can be of some assistance?" He didn't turn, but waited for her replay. Anna could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

After some time John broke the silence "I didn't mean to offend you, I'm sorry Anna."

"You didn't offend me" Anna replied. She was afraid her heavy breathing would give away her anticipation.

John turned and walked back to where Anna was standing. He took his place next to her, so she could balance herself with the help of his strong shoulder. She could hear his breathing against her cheek and noticed his breathing was heavy and horse, like hers. She met his gaze and felt her pulse racing.

Was he ready to take this step? A loud thunder broke the tension and made his eyes move to a less distracting object. "I will not simply give up" Anna said, just when he loosened the first strap. He didn't reply and moved to the next strap, taking a deep breath. Trailing his finger down her back, he could feel the heath trough the thin chemise she was wearing. He reached for the third strap when she spoke again "Not until you tell me why we can't ever be together".

He didn't dare to look into her eyes but stopped to move to the next strap. His hand was now on the small of her back. John swallowed before he finally replied. "I wish I could give you everything Anna. But I made choices in live and I can't undo them".

"I don't ask for everything. I only ask for love, John." Suddenly awakened by hearing his first name, he gazed back at her. He saw tears forming in her eyes. He replied by speaking softly in het ear, his voice thick with restrained emotion "If we could live on love alone, I would make you the happiest woman on this earth Anna, but I can never love you in public, never touch you or comfort you, never promise you anything, I can't even give you a safe place to come home to… even if I want all those things too. Being with me would hurt you… you deserve much more then just love…".

Anna faced him, a tear fell down her cheek. John removed it with his thumb en continued to the last strap. He placed one hand on her shoulder and slid his other thumb under the fabric of her dress, making sure it would slip of. He could feel her shiver and swallow back the tears. Anna crossed her arms, to hold her dress up and John could step back.

"You're telling me you want this too then, that you can love me… ?" Anna stuttered.

"I do, I do love you, my dearest, loveliest Anna… I can't believe I'm telling you this.. But it's better if we stay away from each other" John closed his eyes before walking back to the window, leaving Anna by the fire. "I think we see things differently, please explain this to me John" Anna continued seriously.

"It won't do us any good… please, leave it" John begged. "It appears that we will be here for some time. It won't do us any good either if we stay here all night, not talking to each other." Anna replied.

John watched the reflection, of the fire and Anna in front of it, in the window. She looked like an Angel. A stubborn Angel, is what he thought. Her beautiful blond hair was falling over her shoulders. She held her head down and was facing the fire. He could look at her all night. Embrace her, kiss her and make love to her. He could show her what real love was about. Being together, comfort each other. But he couldn't let himself. For her sake.

"Please, don't turn around. I will undress myself now…" Anna whispered. Before he could even think, she let her dress drop and stepped out of it. He didn't mean to look at her trough the reflection, but it was to late. Thank god, she didn't noticed. He could see her perfect shapes trough her chemise, which was so thin the light of the fire shinned trough it.

John gazed at her for a moment and then shut his eyes. "Please tell me… when you're ready.." he stuttered. He could hear her getting the blankets of the sofa and wrap herself in them. "Ready" she told him after a minute.

He waited a few second to turn around. He was afraid to look at her. He had been with naked woman before, but it had been nothing like this. She wasn't even completely naked - thank god she still wears her chemise - he thought..

He sat down on his chair, hoping he could finally rest a bit, when Anna announced, "It's time to talk now."

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**'till next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Took me a while to write this. Went on holiday and then needed a place without my boyfriend disturbing me ;-) Wrote this in a cafe in Amsterdam today. Didn't re-read, so hope there are no mayor mistakes.**

**I'm not satisfied with this chapter at all, didn't know how to proceed... I will write another (last?) chapter. Really hope that's better. I'm so jealous when I read other fan fiction**

**Thanks for the reviews, I'm so happy with every single one of them! :D**

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I didn't reply to that and looked into the fire. Anna was shuffling in her blankets. She must be feeling uncomfortable. I've never been a talkative person and certainly not concerning the subject she will have in mind.

"I won't push you any further to talk to me. I don't want to interrogate you, I'm only interested to know more, know about your past and how you became… you". She began again.

"I know Anna. I just don't like to talk about my past. I don't want you to alter your opinion about me."

"Who says I will?"

"I do." Maybe I said that a bit to harsh, for she was looking down, staring at her own hands now. "I mean… I would hate it if you will be thinking ill of me."

"I'm sure whatever it is, it wouldn't alter my opinion one bit. Try me."

I was now looking at her again. Her eyes big, trying to convince me I could trust her. I think I do trust her. More then anyone in this world. She had been so brave to tell me the truth, that she loves me. Maybe I should follow her example. She is my best friend and I'm sure the only woman I can love like this. So ardently. Maybe she does deserve the truth about me.

She must have seen me thinking it over. She didn't push and didn't ask more questions till I felt ready.

Finally I had the courage to start a summary of my story.

"I made some mistakes in my past Anna. I married the wrong woman and from there on I took the wrong path in many decisions. You think I'm a honorable man… but I'm Not. I will never forgive myself for some of the things I did. I hurt a lot of people, especially my wife and my mother." I looked Anna then. She looked back, understanding and wanting me to continue. The light of the flickering flames made her even more beautiful. Her perfect skin was glowing. It was hard to continue and not to look at her to much. I was lost when I would look into her eyes.

" I let myself down more then once. I won't say it was my wives fold. We didn't understand each other. We had different families, expected different things from live. We had a lot of fights and couldn't talk to each other like we can". I smiled at her before I continued again. "So, when the war came I was glad to join the men to the front and leave my home. I must say, sometimes I felt more at home with all the guys then I ever did with Vera. I started to hate her. When I got injured, they send me home. I think I got depressed. Vera would go out, started drinking, I would go out by myself, she didn't want to be seen with me, limping along beside her. I didn't mind how she thought of me anymore. We fought more, we started drinking more. Then suddenly, there was a place I could get a job. At the barracks. We needed the money, because the drinking had got us in some financial troubles. Vera couldn't save, she spend all the money as soon as I got it. One day the police stood at our door. They searched our house and found some missing regimental silver. In one instant, I knew Vera must have stolen it when she was helping out at the barracks. Vera was out drinking, so they took me. I don't know what happened to her from there on. She wasn't found for weeks and in that time I decided to confess. It felt good to be away from her. Of course it was a strange situation and they questioned my confession. I didn't get a very long sentence.I went to prison for two years. I did had a hard time, learned a lot about myself"

I took a pause to see how Anna was doing,.. she didn't look sad, she didn't pity me, but I knew it must have shocked her.

"That's the short version of it, Miss Anna". She didn't respond, she only looked at me. The silence between us was comforting, instead of awkward. There was forming a little smile on her face. She was a mystery to me.

I saw her blinking her eyes a few times, before she spoke. "Tell me about your dreams when you where young."

This surprised me. She didn't ask about Vera, or how we fought, about prison, my drinking habits…

I stuttered.. "Well,… I wasn't raised with pursuing dreams. I came from a poor family. I always thought I would have my own family by now. Maybe a little hotel or something… never thought about it,… There weren't many options when I was growing up. I've been glad with everything that came my way… in jobs I mean,… not in love."

I hope she didn't take that the wrong way. I was the happiest man to be loved by Anna. "Maybe this is the turning point in my life, Anna". I gave a slight, shy smile.

Again there was a short silence between us, before she reacted to what I just had said. "This morning I awoke, hoping for you to answer my love. This afternoon left me with a broken heart and now,… I don't know how to feel or what to think. One moment you tell me you can't be with me, the next you talk about your love for me and you finally answer my questions. Your past intrigues me. But I understand what you're saying. All thought I don't care about the things you did wrong, it made you into who you are now. We can't undo them and I'm glad of it. They brought you to Downton."

She was so stubborn, to still love me after what I'd done. She still didn't know all. How I'd hurt Vera, how I'd killed men during the war. Somewhere I admired her for it. Her positivity, her look on live. I wished I had more of that.

The tension between us was slowly fading away. I asked her about her dreams and how she became a housemaid. She told me about her family and she had dreamt of becoming ladies maid or head of the household when she started at Downton. She thought she would follow Mrs. Hughes' steps. We didn't go further about the subject because we both knew her dreams had changed during the years. It made us both look a different way.

After the long conversation, what I think must have been an hour, Anna started yawning. My leg started to become stiff and painful. The chair wasn't comfortable at all.

Anna noticed me trying to find a good position in the chair. "Why don't you join me on the couch? There's plenty of room." I saw her blushing, but she was serious. A clap of thunder broke the tension and spared me from having to articulate an answer. Our attention was drawn to the window.

"It will be a rough night, I hope we can get some sleep." I tried to change the subject.

Suddenly Anna sat up and let the blanket slide from her shoulders. She then tried to stand on her two feet, wiggling a bit to find her balance. "Anna, you shouldn't do that." The blankets now fell on the floor. I don't dare looking at her. In the corner of my eyes she looks like an angel who's come straight from heaven. How did I deserve the love of this beautiful muse? Slowly I followed the shapes of her body up, until our eyes lock.

She's holding out her hand to me. Should I take this offer?

One step further could send me tumbling, head over heels, to a place from which there will be no return. Well, maybe it was already to late…

I couldn't help but notice the way her chest rose and fell faster and the look in her eyes as I reached for her hand. She inhaled deeply. I don't know if I imagined things, or maybe she felt the same: the shock of skin to skin. It was like my heart was set to an everlasting motion. Our fingers entwining, we are both smiling.

Turning to the couch, I felt my pulse rising.

She let me sit first and flattered herself against me. "Is this OK for you John?" she ask me. I am unable to comply. She must be really comfortable with me, to do this.

Her head was now almost resting on my chest. I could smell her intoxicating fragrance. I could inhale it forever. I had to resist to bent down and burying my nose in her hair.

"It wasn't that bad, was it, to tell me the truth?" She softly said before she fell asleep. I didn't answer, she was already dreaming.

Anna's head had lolled back and now rested against my shoulder. I crossed my arm over her chest and rested my hand on the silky skin of her shoulder. My fingertips almost touching her collarbone.

I did this almost without realizing what I was doing, dreamily without even pausing for thought, brushing the strands back, fingertips skimming her face and combing through her silken hair as I tucked the locks behind her ear. It felt so natural, so right. My fingers lingered a bit longer than they should've. I fell asleep holding her closer then I ever thought possible.

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**Of course they don't get a night of peaceful sleep... and I rated this M... so.. something will happen... ;-)**

(idea's? let me know)


	4. Chapter 4

OK, promised M. So here it is. Sorry for taking so long. My boyfriend was home a lot and I can't write when he's around. He's working more now, so I have enough free time for myself.

Always feel a bit insecure when I start writing about intimate situations, but hey, that was why I started this story! Hope it turned out OK.

If you don't like to read about 'sexytime' situations: please wait for the last chapter. For people who do: Enjoy!

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A loud scream awoke me. I sat up straight, my heart pounding in my chest. I tried to figure out my surroundings while blinking my eyes. I was right back to the ruined cottage when I heard Anna's voice. "John! John, wake up!"

It was dark inside, the fire had gone out and I could feel a breeze of wind. The moonlight was falling trough the windows, which gave me enough light to see the lines of Anna's body. With her hair loosened on her shoulders, she was a magical princess from out of a fairytale. Her hand was on my chest and her head soon followed it. She snuggled against me. Oh how good this felt. Now slowly I realized it was her scream that had woken me up, she must be upset.

"What's wrong Anna?" I asked while I placed my arms around her to comfort her.

"Oh John, I thought I heard steps around the cottage and then I heard a loud sound at the door. I'm just a little scared, that's all." She snuggled closer. I chuckled "A little scared? Is that what caused that loud scream?"

Anna looked up from my chest with a frown. "You're making fun of me John Bates?!" She slapped my shoulder.

"Shall I have a look, check if anyone's out there? Only,… I can't imagine with this weather..." I offered, seeing she was seriously worried.

"No" she replied determined. "Stay here, just hold me a while, will you?" "Ok Anna, I'll stay. You're safe with me, I will protect you" I said with a grin.

"Good" she said with a clear voice.

Anna was lying in my arms, we where very comfortable together. She fitted perfect against me. The blanket had slit of the couch and I could see her bare legs. With my eyes I followed the soft skin from her feet, to her calves and up, higher to her thighs. I had to resist the urge to touch them. In the moonlight her skin was almost shinning and glittering, which added even more excitement to it. I was afraid Anna would notice me staring at her and that she would see the little smile that had formed on my face, so I tried to look away. I found she was watching me too. She cupped my face with her hand and trailed her thumb along my chin. I felt my body twinkling. I suddenly understood what was mend by feeling butterflies in your stomach. I felt them.

In my boldness in placed one hand on her thigh, just below her chemise. I started caressing her, right there. I saw Anna closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. I stopped my movements to see if I had to stop. I realized it would be better, but I didn't want it to end.

Anna opened her eyes again en bit her lip. She was thinking. Then, she pushed herself up on her hands and came closer. I knew what was coming and closed my eyes, wanting to absorb every thing I was going to feel. It wasn't a kiss right away, we barely touched, she moved, explored them with the slightest touch. Her hand cupped my face. My one hand circled her thigh while the other one caressed her back and shoulders. Her skin was flawless and so soft, I couldn't get enough. I didn't want to push her any further and savored every second. She was now lowering herself and resting on my chest, while still exploring my lips. I wondered if she had any experience. I for sure hadn't experienced anything like this, this feeling… I was over the moon.

My anticipation grew and when I slightly opened my lips, she understood what I wanted. I needed to taste her. Her tongue started caressing mine. She tasted wonderful. Our breaths collided.

My hand now wandered trough her hair and I hugged her closer, to deepen our kiss. I could feel her breathing getting heavier. I was aroused by it and something below my belly began steering.

Anna had felt it too, because she was grinning. "What do you do to me Anna?" I asked when I pulled her back to me.

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I can feel his smile while I kiss him again and start moving my hips against his. A low moan escapes his lips. I pull back, sitting straight up. I take some time to watch him. How can he think he's unworthy of me? I can dream away in his eyes, want to explore all his crinkles, which for me mean experience instead of age. His hair is a bit messy; it's making him even more gorgeous. I trail my fingers from his neck to the hem of his shirt. I start pulling at it and hear myself suddenly speak, or actually, order him, to take it of. He hesitates. I didn't expect anything else. He doesn't think of this lightly.

"Are you sure of this, Anna?" he asks me, looking in my eyes.

"Never been surer." I might have shocked him with this, but he doesn't show it. He sits a bit up and I help him with his shirt. I now sit on his lap with one of my legs on each side of him. I so longed to feel my skin on his. My hands travel from his broth shoulders to his chest. Playing with chest hair, I feel his gaze. I bite my lip again and look playful at him. Like me, he is breathing heavy. I can smell his body. It smells like soap, rain and sweat.

John starts trailing kisses from my lips, to my cheeks and neck. He pulls my chemise back and starts kissing my collarbone. "You're flawless Anna, so,… unbelievable, so… beautiful…. "

A happy sigh escapes me. How long had I wished for this? Dreamed about something like this to happen. But it is even better than my imagination. Suddenly he pushes my knee up with his strong hand and with his other hand he is pulling me close against him. Our hips are as close as possible. I can feel him pulsing beneath me. His hand lingers on my thigh and moves to my bum. I start rocking against him, holding on to him as strong as I can. "Touch me" I whisper, while I take his hand an guide him to my breast. I'm still moving against him while he cups one of my breast and caresses' it with his thumb. I inhale deeply when he touches my nipple trough my chemise and I let out a soft moan when he pinches it. "J-John" is al I can mutter.

Before I know it he helps my out of the last pieces of fabric I was still wearing. We take some time to take everything in. His eyes sparkle with the reflection of the moonlight. My body is burning. I can't even remember how cold I was when I woke up. John leans closer to me and softly trails my spine with his hand. He takes a deep breath and then kisses me again. He moves lower and lower, I lean my head back and he supports me with his hands. He places the softest kisses on the swell of my breast, going in circles until he reaches its top. I giggle when he teases me with his nose and his tongue. I bite my lip to stop myself from crying out loud. While he continues with his soft caresses he says "Don't hold yourself in Anna. No one can hear us." I groan.

Now It's my time. I catch his wrist and push him backwards into the pillows of the couch. With one hand I keep his hand in place above his head, while with the other I play at his chest. I tease his nipples and place kisses on his chest. He trembles at every touch.

I let him free again. His hands reach for my hair. He plays with it. "You're so soft, I can't believe it Anna. You're a dream."

I start fumbling with his trousers. He looks a bit shocked. "Tell me you don't want his" I tease him. And he doesn't say anything until I open his first button. "I do, but it's dangerous Anna. Will we be able to stop?"

I know he's right. And I don't want to get in trouble. But I'm sure I will never have another man. It's him or no one at all. The only thing is I will not be a virgin once we marry. And if we never marry, this will be my chance to be with him as close and intimate as possible.

"I won't get pregnant if we stop at the right time." I say in a husky way. "And before that, I'm sure there are other ways of pleasure… Mr. Bates." I say more self-assured then I feel. There's a grin on his face. "Maybe you know more then what's good for you Mrs. Smith." "I'm not naïve John, girls know these things as well. I grew up at a farm and I've lived in a big house for long,… where a lot of things happen."

He's now looking serious and cups my face with his hands. "I know you're not naïve Anna. I just think you should do this with the man you marry."

"I will never marry anyone but you John." He now is silent and looks at me with the sweetest and saddest face I've ever seen. "Make love to me." I whisper with my eyes closed.

And with my eyes still closed, he pulls me to him and kisses me. More passionate then before. One hand lowers to my belly,… and lowers to my hottest part. When he touches it I tremble in his hands. After circling and teasing, he pushes a finger inside me. I moan loud and smile. He holds me steady with his other arm, while he keeps moving inside of me. I start rocking against his hand. I feel my own wetness against my legs. Slowly a second finger is pushed inside. Every muscle in my body feels tense. I never felt anything like this. My stomach tingles. I want to be one with him this evening.

I don't know how, but together we manage to get his pants of. Once he's as naked as I am, and everything is exposed, I explore him. His erection is hard and his skin is silky. He watches me when I touch it. He moans and it turns me on how he's responding to me.

I lay on top of him, his erection against my belly. I pull my knee up, against his side. I guide him to my wet area and without more help, he slips inside me. "O Anna!" cries John. I expected some pain, but nothing stings, it feels good. I smile at him and we kiss. We fit so good. He fills me so deep. He notices too. I almost can't breath. Our eyes lock and we both start moving. We take it slow, not wanting it to be over to soon. A few times he stops, to postpone the ending. When he finally pulls out of me I gasp. It only takes me a second to get there as well.

We don't talk anymore. We kiss and we watch each other. Our eyes say enough. We make sure everything is cleaned up and we look descent again. John builds a new fire to keep us warm during the night. My dress has almost dried; I will be able to wear it tomorrow. When I again sneak against him, he holds me tight and kisses my hair.

I wish this was our cottage and this was our life every day. For tonight it wasn't only a dream.

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I will write one more chapter. It will be a short one, just to end their cozy night in the cottage. Hope to write it soon.


	5. Chapter 5

**Finally I give you the last chapter! I'm so sorry it took so long! I hope it's a nice ending anyway ;-) xxx**

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I woke up early in the morning. A soft light was trying to make its way through my eyelids, but I kept them firmly shut. My breathing was still slow; I was just barely awake and still half asleep. I didn't want to belong to the living; I wanted to stay in my dream forever.

My back was feeling a bit cold, but my front was warmed by soft and tickling skin. My body was rising up and down with his, following his breathing. It almost rocked me unconscious again.

A smile crept on my face and I giggled inwardly, while I started to nuzzle through his chest hair.

I didn't mean to wake him, but I did.

I could hear him yawn and make some grumpy sounds. He turned under me and slowly maneuvered himself into another position. Now, with my back against his front, he wrapped me in his arms. It was like he had heard my thoughts. My back was being heated and I pushed myself as close to him as I could.

"Mmm…" he murmured.

I smiled as I laid my head in the crook of his neck. "Mmm…" I answered.

After enjoying this for several minutes, I felt something had to be said, or we would be lying there all day. Not that I didn't want that… but it was better not to take risks and get caught.

"I don't want this night to end," I said, finally.

"Me neither," was his only reply. He wrapped his arms even tighter around me.

"We should get moving, though," I tried.

"We should," he said while trailing kisses in my neck.

"You make it really hard for me to get up and dress myself," I explained.

"Good." I could feel him smile against my hair.

Before, I could never have imagined how that would have felt. I rarely had seen him smile, only sometimes when we were alone. Walking to church, mending clothes at the dinner table,… but never like this. Naked in his arms.

I took his hand and brought it up to my lips.

"Stay like this for me, will you?" I asked him

"What do you mean?" he sounded a bit confused.

" So warm, so relaxed, just being yourself. I hope this is a example of how our nights can be when we're together…"

He tried to interrupt me.

"…and if that will never happen again,… be thankful for this night. Think about it as much as you want, but don't you ever regret it. Please." I pleated

The warm breath of his sigh travelled over my cheek.

"I can, and never will regret this, Anna," he whispered seriously. "This is were dreams are made of. I never knew life, before this day."

I turned in his embrace and finally opened my eyes. His, soft crinkled ones, were only inches away. His hand cupped my face and he then closed the distance with a soft kiss on my lips.

His lips on mine. They belonged there. Soft brushes of skin. His stubble softly rubbing against my jaw.

After pulling away with regret, we both got up from the sofa. He let me have one of the blankets to cover myself, but I didn't care any more. Again I giggled, feeling a bit shy.

"How's your ankle feeling?" he asked while he handed me my clothes.

I wiggled my foot and smiled. "It's a lot better. I don't feel much pain, but it's still a bit sore."

"Yesss," he said with a warm voice. He stepped closer to take look. "The swelling has gone, I see."

I nodded. Starting to feel a bit embarrassed about my state of undress, while he was wearing his t-shirt now. I grabbed my clothes to start dressing as well.

Every part of clothing we put on meant more distance, but we watched each other getting dressed, and helped if necessary. He trailed his fingers along my spine while he helped me in my corset, without saying a word. I swallowed and didn't know what to say either.

It was very arousing, though. My cheeks must have looked quite pink. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around me he hugged me tight. It was hard not to want more.

"I love you,… you know? I have loved you for a long time now." John told me. "I'm prepared to do everything I can, to make you happy, but I can't promise you,…"

I let my head drop. "I know Jo…" but he continued.

"and you must be patient. And so will I! I know it will be hard for both of us, but in our hearts we will always be together. I'm here for you, and although nothing is official… you are my wife in my heart and soul."

He kissed the skin just under my ear, and let go. Finally a smile appeared on my face.

I finished dressing without saying a word. I braided my hair, while he watched from the sofa.

Then, it was time to go. We carried our belongings with us and closed the door behind us. We entered our old lives again, but with hearts that had turned into gold.

John held my hand while we balanced through the muddy ground, still trying not to put to much weight on my ankle. It was just before the cottage went out of our sight, and we looked back for a few seconds.

"Goodbye, nice little cottage," I whispered.

"Why goodbye? You never know when there's a storm again," John said in a cheeky way and squeezed my hand.

We both laughed then and walked back to Downton Abbey.


End file.
